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A Small Pearl
"The Game"
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Year Four

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Quick Pretention

"We all know that the hat is wearing me. . ."

Between work and maintaining some sort of balance between physical and mental health, I am rarely seen. And yet, for some reason, I feel an urge to disappear altogether. It's not something that I'm feeling constantly right now, but I do get intermitant spurts. And I don't honestly like it.

Lately I feel that there's nothing to me. I work. I live. I make people laugh because that's what I do, and I love because that's who I am. But I feel like this is just the bare bones of me, and that all the meat and muscle is gone. I am a thin shade of myself. I am like a foil chocolate, but the chocolate has been replaced by highly compressed air, but few notice 'cause most don't want to risk damaging the wrapper to get a peak inside.

I am wrapped up in my own metaphors and drowning in the analogies to express something I cannot name. And as pointless as that seems, my own continuing to try seems just as much so. I am loved, yes. I know that, and I appreciate it. Yet I still feel directionless. Purposeless. Alone. Perhaps I am simply craving results where there are none. Perhaps I just need to let go again, like I even recently seemed to be able to do but can't allow myself to right now.

Or maybe I just need to stop feeling so fucking sorry for myself. . .