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Writings: Other Stuff: |
2004-05-06 - 9:56 a.m.One morning before going to work. . .
*KNOCK KNOCK* What the hell? *opens door* Hello? HI, PATRICK. GOD HERE. . . Holy shit! You really are God! That's amazing! YEAH, AIN'T IT? LISTEN. . . This means all my doubt and questioning was for naught! There really is an omnipowerful presence out there with a purposeful plan for all of us, and all our suffering is not in vain! WELL, YEAH, I GUESS. . . And you standing here before me now is nothing short of a miracle. My cries of frustration have not gone unanswered, and here you are now with a caring presence ready to assuage my fears, show me my true destiny, and calm my nerves with the knowledge that "If I believe, I can be saved"! WELL, ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST POPPING IN TO SEE IF I COULD BORROW SOME SUGAR. Wait. . . WHAT?!? Heaven's out of sugar? YEAH, IT'S A LONG STORY. SO, CAN YA HELP A BRUTHA OUT? Um. . . sure. Out of all the people in the world, all the grocery stores and sugar factories, every house on this planet, you chose mine? WELL, YOU'RE NOT USING IT, ARE YOU? No, I guess not. AND NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN ME, YOU HAVE RENEWED FAITH, YES? Well. . . WHAT? I gotta wonder about a God who can't even get his own sugar without having to borrow it from some unsuspecting Agnostic. HMMMMM. . . I mean, you created the universe, and yet you need my sugar? HEY, MAN. TRUST ME, I NEED THIS A LOT MORE THAN YOU DO. . . Really? W-- no, I take it back. I don't want to know. I GUESS I'LL BE LEAVING NOW. I'LL BRING THE BOWL BACK. Yeah. Um. . . take care, "God." |
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