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Quick Pretention

Hammered

There is quite often a big difference between Fact and Perception. For instance, a lot of people believe that I get drunk on a regular basis. These are, of course, people that don't really see me at any other time than when alcohol is available in large quantities, and so think that my loud voice, random behaviour, and insane amount of energy must be the cause of some form of firewater. Nope. . . anyone that's hung out with me on a regular basis would know that that's just who I am, no outside substances required. In fact, I've only been drunk at the Dawning (before last night) twice: once when I first started drinking (and honestly that was more of quite tipsy than drunk) and on my 21st birthday (which is basically required).

Last night, however, your little Patrick got plastered. I had no responsibilities, a bad mood, and most of the alcohol was free, so I decided "What the fuck?" and went for it. This was the first time in three months I'd actually had more than a couple shots (save for the Silent Muse show, but Adrenaline was so high that I never felt any of those) and I've basically determined that I only get drunk about once a season anymore.

Which I'm learning is not a bad idea. When I drink, I feel like I'm just getting lumped into a category with "those other drunk guys." And I start feeling like people have to "put up with me," and shit like that. Honestly, though I kinda like being intoxicated, and I will admit that I slept like a rock last night for the first time in weeks, it almost seems to be too much of a hassle. And I'll admit, I almost get embarassed being drunk, as if I'm one of those people that shouldn't be doing this. I'm almost glad that I didn't see some people I really wanted to see last night, because I didn't want them to see me as I was. Maybe a part of me thinks it's a weakness to resort to alcohol as a quick vacation from problems. I don't know why, honestly, because I'm totally cool with everyone else doing it. Or maybe I don't like people seeing me without as much control, because as random as I may be, I've got a much tighter grip on my emotions than most realize, and I'm probably usually one of the most patient people I know. Regardless, I'm starting to truly see that though it's okay for me to do it occasionally, I don't like a lot of things that come along with being drunk, especially in a large social situation with many people I care about.

Okay, off into ramble mode now, but you get the basic idea. I will admit, though, that I feel a bit refreshed this morning, ready to face the day. And it doesn't look like a difficult one to deal with either, so I can't complain. . .