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Six Billion

Alrighty. I've got the comp. I've got the connection. I've spent many hours multi-tasking on AIM, and I've caught up on Men in Hats, so it's time to mark my return to this account of my life with a good, old-fashioned rant.

There are over six billion people in this world.

Each of them is living their own life, just like you. And just like you their gaze is more often than not limited to their own existence. They are starring in their own TV Show, be it a soap-opera, drama, comedy, or some strange combination. And though most of them also care for others, some probably more than is healthily acceptable, in the end, down in the core if even on an unconcious level, their main concern is themselves. Self-preservation is one of the most basic instincts, and stretches out to all form of existence, from physical to social to emotional. In the end, we have to make ourselves happy, because we sure can't bring anything else to the world if there's nothing in ourselves.

There are over six billion people in the world.

Not all of them are going to like you.

Each and every one of us is capable of so many emotions, and there are so many different aspects of life that require opinion, thus meaning that life gives us an uncountable number of opinions to choose from. Obviously, though you choose one, it's fairly arguable that at least half the world's gonna choose a different one, depending, of course, on the situation. And there are going to be people whos opinions offend you, and vice=versa. One of the most important opinions is our view of priorities, so much that we actually prioritize how important certain opinions are when we start deciding who's going to be our friends, business partners, lovers, etc. And so the chance is therefor possible that even if someone rubs you the right way, you may not have the same effect on them. I'm not saying it's a wonderful thing, but it's a fact of life. When we search out someone, we are often going to be disappointed. That doesn't mean we stop searching, because just as not all of these six billion people are going to be compatable with you, with that many beings on this planet there's no doubt you're going to find people that match with you.

There are over six billion people in the world.

Many of them want what you want.

Just as there's a damn good chance people won't hold the same opinions as you, others will agree with you whole-heartedly. If you like something, there's a pretty good chance that at least a hundred people in a 60-mile radius would probably like it too. Now, if this object or person that you desire is in a limited supply, then quite possibly there's going to be some competition over who gets it. The people involved don't really hate you, and if there's any decency in them whatsoever, they're probably not pursuing the same goal as you just to piss you off. They want what you want for the same reason as you do, because it will probably make them happy. Their not evil people for this reason; it's not totally their fault that more than one person are questing for the same thing. Once again, it just happens. And if they get it instead of you, it's okay to feel a little jealous. But to wish that they would deny themselves so you could get what you wish is a desire made at the very height of hypocrisy, because you're basically asking them to deny what they feel so that you don't have to.

There are over six billion people in the world.

That leaves a lot of options.

Humans are, for the most part, very short-sighted creatures. When we get involved in this quest for what we want, especially when we discover that others are searching for the exact same thing, we start to think "This is it. If I don't get this, it's all over and I'll never have this chance again." Can you say "bullshit," children? Sure, I knew that you could. If this quest you are on is for a human companion of some sort, you will not fully know whether or not one can be found until you have successfully met and gotten to know every person on this planet. Good luck. Now, granted, while this means that you're going to meet a lot of people you'd just like to throw into traffic, the odds are just as good that you're going to find someone that makes your world seem a little less gray. And, considering you're looking at, barring horrible accidents/tragedies, a life-span of roughly 75 years, and then realize how many people you meet in a single year, well jesus, kiddos, you do the math. To think that this person you've just lost is the last chance you've got, and you are now damned to a mediocre life of no one else that will truly satisfy you is both defeatist and, honestly, just plain stupid. Only you can choose to give up the search, and if you do, you have no one to blame but yourself.

But will tackle humanity's desire to assign blame in another rant someday.

And no, I am not belittling the pain of rejection and loss. Trust me, I've suffered it before and will no doubt go through it again. In fact, I'm going through it right now without the other person even knowing I was rejected. What I am saying, though, is thinking that this pain is eternal, giving up hope, and overall deciding this is the way things are going to be for the rest of your life is a less than admirable attitude. You can accept reality and admit that this could very well be how things are going to be for the next few months, and I will give you that and say "Alright, that's fine." But to simultaneously decide that you're doomed to a life of failure and to blame those that simply discovered their emotions and got some happiness from it with no malicious intent toward you. . . it's time you re-examined your self-image.

Anyway. . .

There are over six billion people in this world.

Most of them don't know you exist.

And, for that matter, most of them don't care that they don't know.

You can decide how to deal with that fact. You can decide that it makes you inconsequential and overall worthless, and you go ahead and enjoy that bleak life of yours. Or, you can realize how special that makes you to the people who love you. You are a joy. You are this amazing person they have discovered, a secret kept from the rest of the world, and they are both blessed and honored to have known you. And because you are such a special discovery, whether you realize it or not, they hurt when you hurt, especially if they think they have caused it. Because, in the end, what friends want is for other friends to be happy. We stick together as friends because there are so many damn people in the world, so many challenges, and we would simply be overwhelmed by the tide that is this life if we tried to face it alone. That's what friends do. . . we try to keep each other happy as a way to keep each other alive. And sometimes these friends also turn out to want what we want, and become involved in the competition, and in the end we have to decide, once the dust is settled, if the pain of loss is enough to stop wishing the people we care for happiness.

And that's when you have to ask yourself, were they really a friend, lover, whatever, or just someone I kept around to make myself feel better. . . someone to have so I wasn't alone. Because just like your friends should be wanting your happiness, you should be wanting theirs. Which brings up a quintessential truth of love, be it platonic or otherwise:

Some say - If you truly love someone, you would choose them over all else.

The truth - If they truly love you, they would never make them choose.

And if you truly love those you have surrounded yourself with, you realize your opinions are going to differ. You realize that when they comply, sometimes they will comply in a way that makes you war over the same thing. You realize that sometimes they're going to have what you want, and yet if they love you they will wish you had it to, and will try to help you get it in some way, and if you truly love them you will be happy for what they have. And if neither of you can do that, then what you have wasn't meant to be, and it's just time to find someone else.

There are over six billion people in this world.

No doubt some of them will make you happy, and you will do the same for them. . .

This was directed at no one in particular, after experiencing problems with and listening to over two handfulls of people, and meant for you, who have just finished reading it. I hope you got something out of it, other than the fact that I think/write way too fucking much. . .

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go catch up on all the Homestar Runner I've missed. . .