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Quick Pretention

weak

am very vulnerable right now. I realize that. I have worked too many double-shifts in a row and will be continuing to do such. My social contact has been reduced to the occasional phone call, text message, and late-night IM. And it's really starting to fuck with me. For instance, I just got this horrible sense of deja-vu, and normally it would be something that I would just shrug my shoulders at and go "Okay then" but right now I just can't seem to shake it. I'm using all of my mental make-up on my customers right now, thus I am an unadulterated fireball of truth to anyone that talks to me off the job, and I'm not sure if that's going to be helpful with anyone. I can feel my control start to unravel, and though I'm quite certain I will make it through today's ungodly long shift, tonight at the Dawning I may very well be a wasted shell of myself. Luckily, I will have two days to recover before I start the whole bloody mess again.

But I feel like I'm bleeding now. I'm starting to lose my sense of purpose again. I'm starting to wonder why I'm trying so hard.

In my two days off, I'm sure I'll either find the answer or decide there was no question. . . until next Saturday rolls around again. . .